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Should I Stay or Should I Go Now? (Whether To Go Back To Work)

BC (Before Children), I had a fun and exciting job in the entertainment industry. Parties, concerts and gigs were all part of the package and my self-image was very intertwined with my career.

When I became pregnant I had to decide whether to take the maternity package on offer or cut the cord (so to speak) and be a SAHM (stay-at-home mum).

My head was in a total spin over it.

Then I got proactive. I did what I do best and got it out of my head and onto paper with a good old-fashioned pros and cons list. Next, I used another potent tool: visualisation. I closed my eyes and imagined what my daily life would look like in each scenario.

My visualisation looked like this:

Option A: Take maternity leave and return to work.

Find someone I trust implicitly to look after my baby for nine hours a day, five days a week. Get dressed and ready on little sleep, hand baby over and commute into the office.

Work all day, commute home, and have baby again at the ‘arsenic hour’ when everyone’s tired and cranky.

Option B: Quit my job and stay at home.

Be at home with my baby 24/7.

No creative outlet or non-baby-related interaction with adults; potential to be bored senseless.

Earn no income.

• Lose an essential part of my identity.

Writing it all down like this made me realise that I wanted the best of both worlds. To keep my creative cogs turning, continue earning money, still feel like ‘me’ – but to also be a big part of my baby’s daily development and not feel completely dependent on someone else to look after him. I already loathed my daily commute and wanted to drop that from my life.

Then the solution came to me.

I’d work from home as a freelance graphic designer, hire a part-time nanny and take on only as much work as I could calmly handle.

I promptly handed in my notice and used the remainder of my pregnancy to set up my home business. I already had the graphic design skills; now I needed to make it work for me in a whole new setting.

For a while it was a successful solution. I organised things like baby swimming lessons and musical playgroups on the days we had together and hired an amazing nanny to help on the days I worked. I never felt I missed anything as they were only downstairs and I could pop in and say hello anytime.

You can only guess which days I found more utterly exhausting and challenging! On the mornings when our nanny arrived, I felt an enormous surge of gratitude as she walked in the door. But I also cherished my days with my son and appreciated the balance of both realities.

However, my happy little set-up took on some fresh challenges when baby number two came along. I share that story over here but in a nutshell, I morphed into a super-stressed mama until I finally did some parenting skills classes and then went on to create my Project Me.

Every situation is different and you need to weigh your own set of pros and cons

There’s no point judging anyone else’s choices. What’s right for your best friend isn’t necessarily right for you. But it’s important that the career choice you make is done consciously and with an understanding of the options open to you.

Many mothers feel trapped in an old unsuitable career after having children. Others leave work, then feel they’re not using their brains or are wasting years of education and training. Both don’t realise that their skills, experience and gifts could be shared with the world in a different way.

If you’re considering a return to work, it’s important to honestly assess your situation and understand your true motivations. Whether you’re returning to work because of finances, because you want adult interactions, or because you enjoy your career, get clear about why you want it and what the benefits will be to you and your family. Be confident in your decision. If you’ve weighed it all up and you’re leaning in favour of staying home, be just as confident with that choice. Nothing’s carved in stone and you’re allowed to change your mind later if something interesting presents itself or your circumstances change.

I changed career paths completely after doing Marie Forleo’s online business school (B-School) and learned how to take the things I’m most passionate about and turn them into a business I love.

YOUR CALL TO ACTION!

  • When facing any decision, get it out of your head and onto paper. Your mind will feel clearer and the answer will be easier to see. Use my Challenge Solver Action Sheet.
  • Use logic and facts: Create a Pros & Cons List. Star the most important points on each side. Which one is the winner on paper?
  • Use Visualisation: ‘Feel’ your life as if you have made one choice. Then do the same for the other(s). What’s your heart telling you to do?
  • Brainstorm: Are there any solutions you haven’t yet considered? Is there a way of having the best of both worlds?
  • Phone a friend: If you’re still stuck, who can help you? Who’s impartial enough to hear your pros & cons, your visualisation and have an opinion you trust? Use the Project Me Power Pal Pack to team up with a friend for coaching and challenging solving!

OUTSIDE OF THE BOX TIP:

I highly recommend these Bach Flower Remedies:

  • Scleranthus helps with indecision by encouraging a balanced mind and more stable perspective.
  • Cerato is for people who lack confidence in their own judgement and tend to seek the advice of others. Once they make a decision, they continue to question it. Cerato gives them confidence in their own judgement.
  • Wild Oat is useful for people at a major crossroads in life. It helps them gain confidence and clarity in choosing a suitable direction.

(Read more about Bach Flower Remedies here.)

In the comments below, please share your story. Have you made The Big Decision? Are you going through this now? Have you found a solution you’re happy with? What would you say to others who are struggling with this right now?
photo credit: snigl3t via photopin cc

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  1. Clare Greig on June 30, 2014 at 10:46 AM

    What a fantastic blog Kelly. Thanks so much for mentioning my business. Hugely appreciated. Brilliant tips x x

    • Kelly Pietrangeli on June 30, 2014 at 1:35 PM

      I love what you’re doing to help mothers set up online businesses that fit around their families Clare. Happy to spread the word about you! 🙂

  2. Nelly on June 30, 2014 at 8:38 PM

    Really good post , I am in that situation right know,
    I work in a hotel shifts program ,I have two kids 5 yrs and 2yrs.
    I really like my job, there is no chance for promotion , I only stay for the money , now there are the summer holidays , every year the same situation , I cannot take my days off..really tired psychologically, I will quit , I do not know , It does not worth to put myself in that situation every year

    • Kelly Pietrangeli on June 30, 2014 at 10:02 PM

      Nelly I am feeling your frustration. I hope you’ll check out some of the resources above and set a goal for yourself to find a solution that works for you and your family. Get proactive! Be sure to download Soozi’s free Career Reinvention worksheet.

      Wishing you a positive outcome 🙂

  3. Kristy on July 7, 2014 at 9:32 PM

    Kelly, thanks for sharing such a useful post.

    Being a mum is one of the hardest jobs in the world, hands down. I know that we are blessed to be in a position to elect if or when we’ll return to work, but it is still a very difficult decision.

    Like you, I opted to start my own business so that I could be home with my children. It’s certainly not easy some days, but definitely worthwhile.

    Clare is a gem too! Thrilled to hear you mention her course- what a gift for mums trying to negotiate this new world.

    • Kelly Pietrangeli on July 7, 2014 at 11:18 PM

      Thanks for your lovely comment Kristy! Yes, some might negatively judge women who are ‘lucky’ enough to be able to choose, but it’s all relative and even if you’re blessed with options, you can still get stuck in indecision.

      We seem to agree on Clare at Breathe Online being a gem of a resources for mums wanting to run their own businesses from home! 🙂

  4. […] down my dream vision of when I ideally wanted to have it, and hubby agreed. I did have a bit of a Should I Stay or Should I Go deliberation over whether to take the generous maternity package Sony Music was offering. But in the end, I […]

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