Treat Your Husband Like Your Best Friend

Treat Your Husband Like Your Best Friend
Tell Us What You Think.

Imagine the scene: You’ve got a good friend visiting and she’s brought some mud in on her shoes. Would you yell at her for not taking her shoes off? Demand she clean it up immediately?

How about a friend drives you somewhere and takes a wrong turn. Would you make her feel like a dimwit? Cross your arms and get in a huff?

And if she spilled some food down her front in a restaurant? Would you tut and shake your head in a ‘can’t take you anywhere’ kind of way?

Of course you wouldn’t!

But what if the person in these scenarios was your husband? Hmmmm….

The point is, we treat our friends kinder than we do our own partner. (You know, the one who’s meant to be our very best friend. The one we spend the most time with?)

Nit picking, nagging, snide comments – you’d never treat your close friends this way, yet it’s easy to fall into this bad habit with your man.

I can’t stand being treated like a child. I see red when my husband makes me feel worse for a mistake I’m already feeling crap about. Yet I know I’m guilty of criticising him in a way I’d never do with a girlfriend.

Recently I started treating my husband more like a friend. And do you know what? He’s being nice back.

It’s almost like our honeymoon stage when the other could do no wrong. (But without the cystitis from too much shagging.)

Here’s how I aim to keep it up – and how you can get started.

4 ways to give your man the best friend treatment:

1.  Be interested.

Just as you’d listen attentively to a friend, do the same with him. Be aware of your body language, facial expression and tone. Stop what you’re doing. Make eye contact. Be genuinely curious. Ask ‘and then what happened?’ – in your best non-snarky voice.

 2. Show support.

If a friend shares a new goal or project she’s excited about you’d share her enthusiasm, right?  Instead of giving him a reality check on ten reasons why it’ll never work, keep an open mind. If he’s stressed about work, put yourself in his shoes and be supportive. You don’t have to one-up him on what a bad day you’ve had.

3. Use the 5:1 rule.

Aim to say five kind things for every negative one. It can be hard to keep a daily track of this, but the gist is: say more nice things than bad.

4. Bite your tongue.

When you find yourself about to say something unkind or unhelpful – even if you’re already in mid-sentence – press your mental pause button. The more you practice, the better you get. Believe me! I was terrible at this before and I’m improving.

It’s easy to get too comfortable and forget the basics of being kind and considerate.

Give it a try and see what happens. He may just begin to give you the Best Friend Treatment too. 

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In the comments below, share what you think about treating your husband like your best friend

 

photo credit: TheeErin via photopincc

Kelly Pietrangeli

Kelly Pietrangeli

Mama Motivator at Project Me
Kelly Pietrangeli is the creator of Project Me for Busy Mothers, helping women find a happier balance between the kids - and everything else.

Mixing practicality with self-awareness, Kelly helps mothers get on top of their endless to-do’s, set goals and improve their lives one small step at a time.

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Kelly Pietrangeli
Tell Us What You Think.

28 Responses to Treat Your Husband Like Your Best Friend

  1. Helen Butler says:

    Great article Kelly! (Especially the shagging bit!!!)

    I read a book recently called “The Go-Giver”. In it are ‘The Five Laws of Stratospheric Success’. Even though the book is mostly biz related you can also apply these laws to your personal life.

    One of the laws was “The Law of Influence”, where “your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interests first”. Another was “The Law of Reciprocity”, where “the key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving”. I think both of these can SO easily be applied to relationships, and definitely the relationship we have with our partners.

    My hubby and I learnt a long time ago that we like each other so much more when we’re nice to each other. It can be hard when the mundane day-to-day stuff gets in the way – but we give it a red hot go! And you know what? We still like each other after 22 years together!! 🙂

    • Helen, Thanks so much for sharing these Laws in the context of our relationships. They make so much sense!

      Good for you and your hubby giving niceness a Red Hot Go and congrats for still liking each other after 22 years 😉 xx

  2. Amy says:

    Seriously great timing! My husband and I were just taking on the weekend about how we speak to each other and how interested we are in each others lives.
    Thank you for a beautiful reminder. I know this will make a big difference. Xx

  3. Ana Laura says:

    I loooveed today’s post, my husband is definitely my best friend, and laughing with him is the best time of every day 😉
    Thank you for what you do, I enjoy reading your weekly posts…
    AL

  4. I don’t think women understand that to the extent that the things we do to bug you really kill all romantic feelings for you, the same can be said for when we get nagged, or talked down to, or treated like children. Treat me like a man, and you’ll get a man in return.

    • Hi Coach Daddy – always good to get the male perspective on things. Relationships are certainly a two-way street and everything I wrote about treating our husbands like we would a best friend can be said equally in reverse. We need to remember to be kind and respectful in the way we talk to each other. The problem is, as soon as we’re not feeling respected, we don’t want to be respectful back and a vicious circle ensues.

      When I’m feeling respected and my love tank is full, I have more to give. (And I can overlook dirty dishes stacked up in the sink much easier when I am feeling loved and listened to.) 🙂

      All we need is love! xx

  5. Being kind and respectful is a huge part. I thought about this post a lot today. We have to be cautious not to say, “she should love me as I am,” then leave our socks laying around and eat hummus with our fingers. And presumably, if we’re treating you like a best friend, we’re less apt to leave a sink full of dishes, too.

    Eli

  6. Kristy says:

    Thanks for such a poignant reminder about really valuing your relationship with your partner. It is so true that you can easily become complacent and take your partner for granted. Your four strategies are practical and easy to implement. My Mum said to me when I first married my husband,”Pick your battles. Just let some things slide.” It has been such great advice. I’m logging off to go and spend some time with my husband. Thanks again for such a timely blog post.

    • Kristy, thanks for sharing that advice from your wise mum. We could all do with letting a lot more things slide. Concentrate on their good qualities and feel grateful for those 🙂

      Hope you’re having a nice time with your hubby! Thanks so much for your comment x

  7. Jana says:

    really, really valid points here. Especially about the nit-picking.

    + I totally agree with changing ourselves and our approach to situations is far more useful, then trying to change the other person.

    Love it.

    Love Jana xx

    • Thanks Jana. I don’t know if you’ve read “Loving What Is” by Byron Katie, but she has some wise words about staying in our own business and that we’d all be a lot happier if we didn’t concern ourselves with what others around us are doing. I think about this sometimes as I’m about to tell my husband he really ought to turn off the TV and read a book or he really ought to take a shower as soon as he gets back from tennis instead of sitting around sweaty for an hour first…. Need to stay in my OWN business! 😉

  8. Denise says:

    Great post Kelly! I love the advice about saying five nice things for every negative one. It’s so easy to get into the nagging habit. I’m staying in my own business too from now on:-) Thank you for the reminder.

  9. Clare Greig says:

    Like Amy this is good timing for me too. It can be so easy to get into the snarky remarks scenario. Then there is the whole competition of who has done the most chores etc etc. I am going to put these tips into practice

    • I know exactly what you mean on the keeping tabs on who’s done the most chores. I read a funny statistic about how we always overestimate the amount chores we think WE do and underestimate it for our partner… Thanks for your comment Clare 🙂

  10. Aparna says:

    Nice one, Kelly……just what I needed after my serious conversation with hubby last night.
    I often notice…you get what you give and realize that when I treat him well, he treats me even better in return (although I have little to complain about, I must say!).
    xx

  11. Aparna, my experience is always one of getting back what I put in and attracting the same kind of energy that I give out. It’s just a question of remembering! (over and over, again and again…) xx

  12. Seana Turner says:

    This is such a great reminder. For me, #4 is the hardest… somehow with family/spouses, we feel the comfort level to say what we are really thinking, instead of keeping the kindness filter on. I’m sure my husband thanks you for posting this:)

    • Yes Seana, #4 ‘Biting your tongue’ is hard! It takes a real resolution and a lot of mindfulness of noticing whenever you DON’T bite your tongue (and could have….). Self-control is like a muscle, the more we exercise it, the stronger it becomes.

      Show this to your husband and remind him that it works both ways 🙂

  13. Aww, you really have good points here. I oftentimes treat my friends kinder.. Great that you’re pointing this out, it’s kind of an eye-opener to me.. I can be a real pain sometimes. LOL

    • Don’t beat yourself up Rea! We all do it. It’s just about REALISING we’re doing it and making an effort to be kinder. Glad it was an eye-opener. Thanks for your comment 🙂

  14. Julie Marah says:

    Great article with practical, doable steps.. I had this very conversation with a client recently where she had the realisation that she is much kinder, more caring and attentive to her friends than her hubby!

  15. I can’t tell you how pleased it made me to come across this article–it’s something that I’ve spoken about myself so many times to others.

    My husband and I have been best friends since the first day we met. We’ve never screamed at each other in anger…disagreements get talked through, without ever raising our voices. He and I never nitpick at each other, although we’ve been known to tease one another(good-naturedly) about certain annoying habits, haha. There is, and always has been, a LOT of laughter in our home.

    We got engaged two weeks after we met, then married six weeks later, and have never regretted it once in the 25 years we’ve been married…I completely adore him, and I’m pretty sure he feels the same way about me. 🙂

    You’re absolutely right when you point out how many women treat their best friends better than their spouses. I hope that your message has been heard loud and clear by many!

    • Congratulations on 25 years of happy marriage Tammy!

      It sounds like the two of you have a very deep and MUTUAL respect for each other, which is makes it much easier to speak to each other with kindness and overlook each others annoying habits.

      I’m sure your hubby does adore you 🙂

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