Do you ever wonder why some of your goals never quite get off the ground? You’ve got good intentions – yet with everything else going on in your busy life, you lose the plot.
The kids need you, the house is a mess and there are already not enough hours in the day to cram it all in.
How are you also supposed to devote time to your personal goals?
Here’s the deal. A lot of your day to day struggles would go away if you just sat down and figured out a way to make things better. Honestly!
The kind of goals we’re talking about are the very ones that are going to help you feel calmer, better organised and able to handle the daily juggle a lot easier.
The choice is yours. Stay on that crazy hamster wheel and keep spinning away, hoping things will get better on their own – or make a decision to do something about it.
In our last blog, Goal Setting Tools for Mothers, we gave you a great way to get started.
If you haven’t carved out some time for this yet, figure out when you can.
Get up early one morning or stay up a bit later. Call off that coffee morning or cut out the crap TV.
After you’ve done the homework you’re going to feel fired-up and ready to keep moving forward!
Here in Week 2 we’re going deeper.
It’s time to get clear about what and why behind each goal. (We’ll get to the how next week.)
Often we set goals that are too vague. If you don’t know what you want how can you get it?
You also need to understand why you want it. How will it improve your life?
Open up your notebook – here’s what to do next:
1. Re-write your top wants into clear goals using present tense and positive language. Add the reasons why you’re setting this goal and how you’ll feel when you’re living it.
2. Answer this powerful question: What happens if I do nothing?
An example to help you:
I want to stop shouting at my kids.
Now here it is, re-written using present tense, positive language and adding the why:
I’m a peaceful parent who talks to my kids in a reasonable tone of voice. I do this because shouting doesn’t work and there are better ways. I feel great about myself when I stay calm and my kids are happier and behave better. If I do nothing I’ll continue to beat myself up about it. My relationship with my kids will suck. They’ll grow up and shout at their own kids.
See how we’ve used the present tense – as if it’s already happening? I am instead of I want.
Notice too how we phrase it positively – ‘peaceful parent’ rather than ‘stop shouting’.
Create positive goals around the outcome you want – not what you want to stop doing.
Your mind latches on to the language you use. Using the positive tells it the action to take. Using the present tense makes you believe you’re already doing it.
Adding the why is crucial. Your goal’s got no legs without it. Thinking about what happens if you do nothing is a real incentive to get going!
Here’s another common example.
I want to lose weight and get in shape.
Let’s juice that up, breathe some soul into it and get you visualising how great that’s going to feel. (And how you’ll feel if you do nothing.)
I weigh _____. I wear shorts in public. I wear everything in my wardrobe! I have high energy. I feel great on the beach on our trip. If I do nothing I’ll keep feeling bad about myself. I won’t be able to wear half the clothes in my closet. I’ll feel tired and crap. I’ll cover myself up on the beach and won’t play with the kids.
Get specific about the amount of weight. Ditch negative self-talk that tells you it’s not possible – the how comes next week. For now – dream big! (Or small in this case.)
Here’s an example of one of our own Work goals.
I want to take my online business to the next level.
Very vague! What does it mean exactly? How about:
I run a successful online business that generates a profitable income which makes it possible to cover all expenses, justify the hours I put into it and allows me to pay for fantastic family holidays, a cleaner and put money aside for my kids’ futures. My business genuinely changes people’s lives and that makes me incredibly happy and fulfilled!! If I do nothing the months I’ve spent on this will be lost. I’ll have let myself and my family down. I won’t be reaching all the people I know I can help. I’ll be wasting my talents.
Examples are powerful so let’s take a few of your comments left under our previous blogs and work with those:
Michelle says: I want to stop feeling overwhelmed all the time by the things I have to do which cause me to feel more anxious.
Her re-written goal could look more like this: I’m in control of my to-do list. I have systems in place, feel productive and more organised than ever before. I’ve got a great strategy for overcoming overwhelm. I feel clear headed and on top of my busy life this year.
Bonnie says: I’m going to try to work on decluttering my house.
Can you see how passive I’m going to try sounds? There’s no power behind the word try. There’s no trying, only doing!
How about this instead: My house is clutter free and looks amazing! I can find everything when I need it. I’ve eliminated the unnecessary and not only does my house feel happier, I feel relieved! I’m determined to keep it this way!
Laurie says: I want to be a better wife / communicator.
Here she needs to get really clear with herself about what being a better wife and communicator means. She can start off by writing ‘I am a wonderful wife and strong communicator’, then continue with more details of how that looks and feels.
Tammy says: I want more fun in my life.
Re-written: I have a lot of fun in my life! (Go into more detail about how that will make you feel – and what will happen if you don’t get proactive about it. Remember – next week is where you’ll explore ways of making this happen. For now, concentrate on how you’ll feel when it does.)
Ok, now you have a bit of fuel for your fire!
Get going this week on re-writing your wishes into real goals. If you’re not super fired up about one of your original brain dumps, leave it for now. Concentrate on the ones that’ll make a true difference to your happiness.
Getting clear about what you want and writing them down in this powerful way is how you’re going to create goals that rock.
Next week you’ll be creating action plans to move a few of your top goals into takeoff position. Hold on tight – it’s going to be a great ride!
If you’re not signed up for our Monday Motivators yet – what are you waiting for? Each week we’ll send you a friendly kick up the backside to keep you on track. There’s no catch. We won’t spam you or share your details with anyone else. Girl Scout’s honour. Just pop your details into the box and be sure to look for the confirmation email. It might be in your junk folder, so get it outta there!
Ok – in the comments below, show us that you get it. Write at least one goal using positive, present tense – adding what will happen if you do nothing.